What Makes A Malaysian A Malaysian

1. You can name all the players from the the English Premier League, but ask you to name one football player from Malaysia , one name also cannot come out. 

2. When StreamyX come, you complain StreamyX too slow. When Maxis Broadband come, you complain Maxis Broadband always disconnects. When WiMax come, you complain Wimax too expensive. In the end, you say StreamyX still the best lah. 

3. When toll price increase, you complain. When petrol price increase, you complain. When you go Starbucks buy RM10 coffee, NO COMPLAINTS. 

4. When you cannot find parking in a shopping mall and have to walk very far, you complain. When you go inside the shopping mall and there's SALE , run from one end of 1Utama to the other also NO COMPLAINTS. 

5. You are always late. And the excuse you give when you're late is always either: (a) traffic jam (b) no transport or (c) cannot find parking. 

6. You have a parent who force you to take science stream in high school, study engineering in Uni, then when you graduate, they ask you to forget everything you learnt in Uni and do commerce. 

7. You know someone who can specially develop an angmoh accent when speaking to a American / British / Australian. 

8. You complain against the government in kopitiam, you talk loud loud. Leave anonymous comments on blogs, you also talk loud loud. Attend ceremah by DAP, you shout loud loud. Then when Opposition organise a protest and ask you to go, you dun wan. Scared later kena tangkap by ISA. 

9. Every year on the 30th April, you are one of the people below queueing up last minute to submit your tax return at the IRB. 

10. When you pay RM10 for something that costs RM1, you blame the Chinese. 

11. When a government service is too slow, you blame the Malays. 

12. When a building is not good and collapsed, you blame the Indians. 

13. When a Chinese student won a scholarship, you say 'Wah! Very clever 
hor?' 

14. When a Malay student won a scholarship, you say 'Aiya! Of course lah! 
He Malay mah!' 

15. When an angmoh stranger kiss you on the cheek to say hello, you very happy. When a Malaysian guy kiss you on the cheek to say hello, you slap him. 

Joke on Doctor for various countries

An Israeli doctor says:
'Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks.'

A German doctor says:
'That is nothing, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.

A Russian doctor says:
'In my country, medicine is so far progressed that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks.'

The Malaysian doctor, not to be outdone, says 'You guys are way behind, we recently took a man with no brains, out from Kepala Batas, Penang, put him in the Parliament for 5 years, and now half the country is looking for work.

There is no instruction from the GOVERNMENT!

Two ITALIAN men and a lady stranded on a desert island;

The two fought and one KILLED the other to have the lady.

Two AMERICAN men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
They both had the lady TOGETHER.

Two FRENCH men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
They killed the lady to have EACH OTHER.

Two THAI men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
The first man rented the lady to the second man for 2 baht a night.

Two FILIPINO men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
The first man kidnapped the lady and asked for ransom from the other man.

Two INDONESIAN men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
The first man claimed that island is independent and took the lady as his
advisor.
The second man swam to another island to search for jobs.

Two MALAYSIAN men and a lady stranded on a desert  island;
The lady ACCUSED the first man of sodomizing the other man
because she was rejected by both

Two SINGAPOREAN men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
The two men did nothing because there is no instruction from the GOVERNMENT!

有錢 : 沒錢

 沒錢的時候，養豬；
 有錢的時候，養狗；

 沒錢的時候，在家裡吃野菜；
 有錢的時候，在酒店吃野菜；

 沒錢的時候，在馬路上騎自行車；
 有錢的時候，在客廳裡騎自行車；

 沒錢的時候想結婚，有錢的時候想離婚；
 沒錢的時候老婆兼秘書，有錢的時候秘書兼老婆；

 沒錢的時候假裝有錢，有錢的時候假裝沒錢。

 人啊，都不講實話：
> > 說股票是毒品，都在玩；
> > 說金錢是罪惡，都在撈；
> > 說美女是禍水，都想要；
> > 說高處不勝寒，都在爬；
> > 說煙酒傷身體，就不戒；
> > 說天堂最美好，都不去！
 

 當今社會，窮吃肉，富吃蝦，領導幹部吃王八；
 男想高，女想瘦， 狗穿衣裳人露肉；
 過去把第一次留給丈夫，現在把第一胎留給丈夫；
 鄉下早晨雞叫人，城裡晚上人叫雞

Only happen in China

In China , everything can be "pirated"...

see their version of McD ,Watsons , Pizza Hut.........